Last night was not a good night for my sixteen year old daughter and I. When I picked her up from her job at Culvers late last night, we had a disagreement about how she does not listen to me and follow directions very well. So, she threw a panoply of very hurtful words and insults at me one after the other and I was not quite ready to catch them all.
I know it is not Alexia’s fault that I have Bipolar Disorder and I know her life has been very difficult at times.
I also realize it is hard for her to live with a Bipolar mom and because of that I know I have spoiled her too much in the past. I do have a lot of guilt sometimes for the life she has had to live when my Bipolar symptoms have been very severe during my very difficult, bad and severe Bipolar days and moments.
Even though I have Bipolar Disorder, I am still her mom and I know she should not talk to me the way she does or treat me the way she does. I am a good mom and I have also raised two other children that are now young adults and are wonderful, kind and successful young people who live their lives for Christ.
I am a single mom with Bipolar Disorder.
I am a single mom and it seems like all I do is drive her and pick her up everywhere all of the time. She is in many activities and don’t get me wrong, I am very proud of everything she is doing and accomplishing. But the fact is sometimes I just get tired of driving so much, get exhausted and need to take care of myself too.
Right now I am doing well and I am trying to stay healthy by keeping my bipolar symptoms and my life with a Bipolar brain under control by staying positive, not getting overly tired and taking of care of myself.
God saved my life. I found Jesus and I have became born again. I try to never think about my past with my past abuse and other difficult life experiences I lived through. I try to live my life one minute and one moment at a time.
I love my daughter very much and I always will. I forgive her for her behavior and for the panoply of hurtful words she threw at me last night. I know soon, once again, our life will be full of a panoply of lovely words of kindness, adoration and love we will express to each other.