My bipolar disorder is called BI-polar for a reason.

Two mood poles

switching rapidly from high to low moods.

Not three mood poles

switching from high to middle to low moods.

That would be called

TRI-polar Disorder.

I wish I had tripolar instead of bipolar disorder.

That would mean that my bipolar would not change so rapidly from a hypomania

to a huge sudden unexpected crash of an extreme low level of despair of a deep dark dangerous suicidal depression

hitting me so cruelly and quickly I didn’t even know what hit me causing me to sometimes try to kill myself… but God said “No.”

If I had tripolar disorder then there would be a middle level in between my high and severe low moods so I could experience maybe a “so-called normal” middle land of normalcy.

I know when I am high I can fly so very high

I know when I am low I can sink so very low

but I do NOT know how to be in the very middle.

I wish I could live and stay in a middle mood pole for just a little while

instead of jumping like a rabbit from my very high to very low mood pile.

If I had low, middle and high mood poles than maybe,

just maybe I would understand and could experience just once

what that so-called normal was.

I do not know what a so-called normal is.

What is the definition of normal?

Maybe there is no normal,

but I would like to be just little a bit closer to that so-called normal.

There is no TRI-polar so maybe,

just maybe,

there is no real so-called normal either.

I have bipolar disorder 1 with mixed episodes and rapid cycling, but I do not have tripolar disorder.

There is no tripolar disorder,

not yet.