My bipolar disorder is called BI-polar for a reason.
Two mood poles
switching rapidly from high to low moods.
Not three mood poles
switching from high to middle to low moods.
That would be called
I wish I had tripolar instead of bipolar disorder.
That would mean that my bipolar would not change so rapidly from a hypomania
to a huge sudden unexpected crash of an extreme low level of despair of a deep dark dangerous suicidal depression
hitting me so cruelly and quickly I didn’t even know what hit me causing me to sometimes try to kill myself… but God said “No.”
If I had tripolar disorder then there would be a middle level in between my high and severe low moods so I could experience maybe a “so-called normal” middle land of normalcy.
I know when I am high I can fly so very high
I know when I am low I can sink so very low
but I do NOT know how to be in the very middle.
I wish I could live and stay in a middle mood pole for just a little while
instead of jumping like a rabbit from my very high to very low mood pile.
If I had low, middle and high mood poles than maybe,
just maybe I would understand and could experience just once
what that so-called normal was.
I do not know what a so-called normal is.
What is the definition of normal?
Maybe there is no normal,
but I would like to be just little a bit closer to that so-called normal.
There is no TRI-polar so maybe,
there is no real so-called normal either.
I have bipolar disorder 1 with mixed episodes and rapid cycling, but I do not have tripolar disorder.
There is no tripolar disorder,