Hello everyone. I have been posting my posts a day for suicide prevention month, but I have not talked about myself.
I want to let you all know that right now I am having a very hard time fighting off my bipolar demons and the suicidal thoughts he plants inside my brain, turning my brain into charcoal. It has been very hard to keep fighting, but I keep fighting. I am still fighting the battle. I am trying to hold on and I am.
I have to go to work in a half an hour and I am going to try to work an eight-hour shift. I pray I can make it and hold on without crying. It is time now to bring out my best acting skills again that I have been forced to use many times for twenty-five years.
Sometimes and some days the acting is beyond hard and difficult, but I am going to try my hardest and pray that the distractions are going to be good for me. It is too late to call in, so I am going into work, but I am scared not knowing if I have the strength to fight this bipolar demon who is planting these suicidal thoughts inside my mind and saddens me and causes deep despair so far into my mind that I won’t be able to act.
It takes so much strength to pretend and wear a fake smile. I have put on my disguise of my make-up and clothing that looks like I am normal on the outside, but inside I am dying. I pray this eight-hour shift will help shift my brain into some glimpse of life that I can continue to win this battle I am forced to fight each day of my life.
I also want to go into work today, because I am showing to myself that I am not giving up. I am fighting with all my might. I will beat this bipolar monster once again. I will be okay. I will make it because I HAVE TO.
Please pray for me. Thank you.
Love, hugs and blessings, Sue
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