We must learn to love ourselves. It has always been very difficult for me to love myself and be nice and kind to myself, but I know it is something I must learn how to do.
It is so much easier for me to share my love and kindness with others. I always try to make other people happy and feel good about themselves, but I forget myself. I need to become a little more selfish and think about myself in positive ways more often. I must learn how to love myself and start treating myself kindly. I must treat myself the way I want others to treat me.
I don’t feel worthy of love from other people, because I do not like myself, stemming way deep down within myself from many years of abuse, pain and other painful life experiences associated with my bipolar 1 disorder and PTSD diagnosis over 25 years ago.
I used to have a lot of friends and family around before my bipolar diagnosis over 25 years ago. Unfortunately, upon my initial mental illness diagnoses, all my friends, husband and family (not my children or sister) left me. They all left me and ran away from me as fast as they could and they never looked back. No one understood it or tried to learn about it and they all wanted to escape from my horrific pain and shame.
I need to let people love me and I don’t. I do not invite others in my life or let people come to my party of one.
If I do not love myself or let others love me, how can I expect them to love me? They can’t and that is why I am basically all alone and lonely. I have no friends and live a lonely life. I am afraid to let others in and let them get to know me because I fear I will get hurt, like I have been hurt so many other times in my past. I know this is very unhealthy behavior and I need to stop it. I am writing about it now, because it is something I am trying to resolve, but it has been a very slow, painful and lonely process.
I love others deeply and can give and share love freely, but do not let others reciprocate the love I give away, back to me.
I sometimes close the door before anyone even has the opportunity to knock on my door of vulnerability. Most of the time, I never let anyone truly in. If my door is closed and I am shut down to opening up my feelings and myself to others, then no one can hurt me again.
I must unlock and open my front door to my heart and life, even if some flies get in.
First, I need to get people knocking on my door. Because I have been alone for so long, finding anyone that even wants to knock on my door is very difficult. After I hear the knocking on my door, I must let them inside. Once they are inside, I must be receptive to their possible friendship, kindness and love. I must let them inside and let them stay for a while, giving them a chance to show kindness and love and the opportunity to be part of my life. I am ready and afraid at the same time.
We must be loyal to ourselves first. Being loyal means that you give or show firm and constant support to a person or institution. Let that person and institution be yourself first and then you will be able to be loyal to others, other institutions, and causes and beliefs much more effectively.
Being loyal also means you are faithful and hold a firm and strong allegiance to a person or cause. Let yourself be that allegiance. Be steadfast and true to your own beautiful allegiance. Be strong, faithful and loyal to yourself and your beliefs.
Once you accept, love and are loyal to yourself, than you will be strong enough to make positive changes in your own life and in the world. You will be better at helping others and being a service to other people and you will have the strength, courage, resiliency and perseverance to survive any obstacles or struggles you must face in your life.
Love yourself, accept yourself and be loyal to yourself always.
When I write, I am giving suggestions to my readers of how I belief life would and could become better. I am also writing these important and valuable messages to myself, because I need to learn these things and apply them to my own life. I feel like that is how I know they are important, because I know they would help me and improve my life.
Thank you for reading and always remember to…
love yourself and…
be loyal to yourself.
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