I Do Not Wish You a Bipolar Christmas

I have no Christmas joy this year?

I long to feel the joy and love Christmas usually brings.

My Christmas joy and love is wrapped tightly and painfully with bipolar and twine.

The ugly twine wrapping tighter around me with each breath I take,

making me unable to breathe,

unable to escape the pain of extreme loneliness.

Loneliness has become a severe,

unbearable symptom caused from my bipolar disorder.

Loneliness means I am truly unloved,

and there is nothing worse than feeling completely alone and unloved.

This Christmas is a reminder of how lonely and unloved and unliked I truly am.

My only hope is that God is calling me near.

I wonder if this will be my last Christmas. It could be.

I cannot endure much more of this severe pain and loneliness,

and lack of a life I try to live and survive.

This is the brightest loneliness I have ever felt.

I am all alone.

There is no love.

Christmas is supposed to be full of family and love.

I have no family that even knows I am alive.

I have no friends.

I have nothing.

I have God and I am trying to find God.

My loneliness is too loud and too much.

I have nothing else, but loneliness.

I can’t wrap up my loneliness with pretty Christmas wrapping paper.

Loneliness is me.

I cannot wrap myself up and place myself under the Christmas tree.

That would be very lonely and I am already there.

People can say words and pretend they care,

but words are meaningless without actions that show me they truly love me and care.

I only ask for one Christmas present this year.

I want someone to love me,

truly love me,

not just say words,

but come see me,

be with me,

and show me

with your presence

that you are my present.

Image result for Sad bipolar Christmas

“Where are You Christmas?” by Faith Hill (with lyrics)


Copyright © By Susan Walz and myloudbipolarwhispers.com – All written content and personal artwork is © myloudbipolarwhispers.com and Susan Walz. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner/artist is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Loud Bipolar Whispers and/or Susan Walz with appropriate and specific directions to the original content.  (with the exception of the video, lyrics and song “Where Are You Christmas?” by Faith Hill)

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/calling/

 

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42 comments

  1. Know that you are not alone in the way you feel. I recite all of the wonderful things that I should feel good about and ask why I don’t. I am not alone, I am not unloved, I have my health, more or less, I have my puppy dogs, my wife, yes I should have reversed that, my daughter, my grandchildren, my friends. Still I feel alone and pray for a better day. Sometimes my prayers are answered, sometimes they are not. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. The Christmas season is the worst because daylight is at a premium. The darkness makes me a coward and I despise myself because of it. I wish I had cheery words for us both. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

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  2. Pretty sad. I have people around and I feel kind of crappy about Christmas. It really is my own attitude. I like a song I heard about not needing presents just each other at Christmas. I have to remind myself that it is not the preconceived notions I have of a perfect Christmas that matter. Not at all. It is that babe in a feeding trough. If I have nothing else I have Him and that is far more than enough. It is greater love than the universe can contain.

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  3. I’m so sorry that you are in the throes of this pain and sorrow! I wish I lived near you so that I could come and visit and try to bring some light into your world for I have known a measure of darkness myself albeit a different kind and not as prolonged. But I would love to spend time with you via email if you’d like to talk. I’m a good listener. If you think you’d like to do that go to my about page and it will give you a way to contact me. Love and hugs, Natalie 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Loved your poem. It’s strange that how we people suffering this mental illness connect more than any normal person connection to to another normal being. I know that there are many like me out there but still the burden doesn’t lessens. Heart is as dull as it could be. Though I laugh, I sing, I do everything to look normal but inside I know how broken I am. But meeting people through blogs and knowing there story and how they fight, gives me the inspiration to do same and hope. May be one day … may be. Merry Christmas to all, in advance.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so very much for reading my posts and for your kind and encouraging words. I appreciate them greatly. Also thank you very much for nominating me for the Liebster Award. That makes me so happy. You made my day. I am honored and I appreciate it more than you know. It means a lot to me and is very special to me. I will complete my part and participate probably in the next couple of days. I probably won’t have time tomorrow, but should have time the next day. I hope. I Iook forward to doing it. Thank you again. Yay! I am excited. Hugs and blessings to you, Sue ❤❤❤😇😇😇

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    • Thank you so very much for your kind and encouraging words. I appreciate them greatly and they helped me. I’m doing much better finally now. God saved my life again and helps me stay strong and to keep fighting. Thank you again. Your kindness and caring words helped me. Hugs, Sue

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  5. I am not a big religious person…can go either way…but the whole Xmas/new year thing…um…not totally for…mixed feelings…again…not for not against…to each their own? agree to disagree? I am an introvert/extrovert? lol Kind of get it. Manic/depressed? lol I write more depressed stuff but that is not me. 🙂 I am down though around the holidays. Rough time of year. And I try so hard but I can’t keep up. If I do I get manic…if I settle down I get depressed. Constant struggle. Balancing act if u will. Hope u had a good new years and a good xmas and start off a fresh year. gl! tc

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    • Thank you very much for reading my post and for your great comments. I greatly appreciate them. Happy New year to you. 2018 is going to be a great year. I hope it is for you too. I am being optimistic. A brand new year and brand new beginning…. Hugs, Sue

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