Often times I wonder if my life changes more frequently than other people who do not live with a mental illness. I feel like I have had to change and transform many times throughout my life out of necessity for my survival.
I must say there is a beauty in transformation and change. Transformation and change promote versatility. Living a life with bipolar and other mental illnesses is never monotonous. It can definitely be very difficult and sometimes nearly impossible to survive, but it never stays the same. Sometimes it seems like a severe depression or mania will never dissipate, but one day it will and it does.
After my transformations, I usually feel a huge sense of accomplishment and pride knowing I made it again. After I made it to the other side and conquered a severe depression, the joy and sheer exuberance knowing I have another chance to live and succeed is indescribable. I don’t believe, but I could be wrong, that you could feel this much joy unless you felt the agony of defeat, reached the complete emptiness of nothingness and lived with the deep dark despair depression causes.
After surviving more than one suicide attempt, I appreciate life more. I know how blessed I am to be alive. I understand that my life was spared. God saved my life for a reason. I need to relish each moment of my life. Bask in the glow of the radiate sunshine of my days and the brilliance of the stars of my nights.
I have been given many chances to live my life again. I need to make the most of my life. This time around is going to be the best one yet. I need to make it that way. I need to pay it forward. I must serve the Lord and do what Jesus would do. I need to spread the word of God and share the love and joy of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I pray Jesus’ love will shine through me and touch the lives of many.
“I know this transformation is painful, but you’re not falling apart; you’re just falling into something different with a new capacity to be beautiful.” ~William C. Hannan
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