Barely Hanging on to My Thread of Shredded Rope (with music videos)

About four years ago during one of my many stays in a psychiatric hospital I was experiencing deep dark hopeless despair and severe depression when a chaplain spoke to me and prayed for me. She read a scripture that touched my heart and soul and never let go. At that moment a spark ignited an indescribable feeling of love and joy that I knew could only come from the Holy Spirit. I finally recognized the beauty of the holy spirit living inside me.

When this beautiful woman read the following words of scripture to me I was a broken vessel and a shattered spirit…

Psalm 130

Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;

Lord, hear my voice. 

Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

I wait for the Lordmy whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.

I wait for the Lord
    more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
    for with the Lord is unfailing love
    and with him is full redemption.

He himself will redeem Israel
    from all their sins.

When she was finished reading, I asked her, “What was the first part? What were the  beginning words you said to me?”

She kindly and gently repeated the lifesaving words, “Out of the depths I cry to you, LordLord, hear my voice.”

Feeling a tiny spark of joy for the first time in many months, I said with a hint of a smile, “Yes. Those words. That’s it. Will you pray those words with me again?”

She repeated the words and prayed more with me.

“Out of the depths I cry to you, LordLord, hear my voice.” 

After the chaplain finished speaking with me and praying for me, she left me alone in my room. I prayed to the Lord the following words over and over. I had to. It was my last hope. I needed something. I needed to be saved. I needed Jesus.

I prayed and cried with tears pouring out from the bottom of my soul,

“Out of the depths I cry to you, LordLord, hear my voice.

Out of the depths I cry to you, LordLord, hear my voice.

Out of the depths I cry to you, LordLord, hear my voice.”

On my hands and knees I prayed. I prayed harder than I ever had before in my lifetime.

I needed the Lord more than ever. I was at the end of my broken rope or despair hanging on with barely enough strength to hold on to my very thin thread of shredded rope.

I prayed. It was almost as if I was begging Jesus to listen and hear me. He had to. I had nothing else. I needed Him to hear me. I needed Him right at that moment. I was praying, but it felt like I was begging and pleading with the Lord to rescue me. I needed the Lord. I prayed. I begged. I pleaded with Jesus to help me. I had nothing left and…

He LISTENED and answered my prayers. He let me know without a shadow of a doubt He was there. He was with me. He was IN ME. He was my light. He lifted me and I felt some of my pain dissipate at that exact moment.

After I heard those beautiful words of scripture, my broken vessel and shattered spirit began to be repaired and made whole again. I was never the same again. From that day forward my recovery and healing began. I was saved. Jesus saved my life and He would continue to.

Soon after that moment at the hospital, I became born again and got baptized a few months later. People often think it is a beautiful straight forward road to happiness, success, recovery, wellness and happiness, but it isn’t. Every Christian has their peaks and valleys of faith, struggles and obstacles in their life and so have I. It has been a very beautiful and bumpy journey with many winding turns and road blocks along the way. The beauty is that I am finally on the road to recovery, wellness and happiness and…

now I can live a long and happy life and serve the Lord and..

let Jesus’ love shine through me and touch others.

Thank you Jesus. Praise God. To the Lord be the glory.

Alex Boye – I Will Rise (This is beautiful… keep listening…)

Hillsong United – Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) With Lyrics

 

Copyright © 2018 Susan Walz | myloudbipolarwhispers.com | All Rights Reserved

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